Anthem Of The Angels
by ExistInspire
Summary: One Man comes to terms with his own mortality after losing the one person that mattered most in his life.


A/N: The song used here is Anthem of The Angels by Breaking Benjamin. I do not own the rights to this song it is used here purely for entertainment purposes.

* * *

_**White Walls Surround Us**_

_**No Light Will Touch Your Face Again**_

_**Rain Taps The Window**_

_**As We Sleep Among The Dead**_

He watched the casket, made of the finest mahogany, the very best he had ordered for this very event and tried to find the words deep within him. Words that he needed to say in order to be able to move on and let the final act of this very tragic play take place. His chest ached the more his eyes stayed locked on the large box, something now that didn't seem fitting for the man that was to rest here for all of eternity.

Had he really done the right thing when choosing it? Would John like it, appreciate it? He knew it didn't matter in the end because John would never think anything again. He was at a loss now, the tough male exterior he had tried so hard to uphold, finally coming apart at the seams.

There was a litany of people standing behind him, all of which wanted to say their last goodbye's to their fallen warrior, a man they had both worked with and known personally, some more then others. He was aware of Melina Perez standing off to the left of him, having heard her sobbing as the pastor was saying his final sermon over John's body.

Should he comfort her? Help her through what must be extremely hard for her to come to terms with. They had been together for so many years that he knew that she was the only one at this funeral who knew John as well as he himself had. Which drew him to her more, wanting to make the aching in his own chest stop by helping someone else's sorrow.

Ted went to her then, and slowly wrapped his arms around her, knowing that in the end, it was what John would have wanted had he been there to tell them both. For months there had been so much pain and anger between them all as a unit, and all John had wanted was for that to stop so all of them could move forward and now, well it was too late to show him that what he had wanted was indeed coming true.

"Teddy this can't be real, please tell me he's playing a joke on us all and he's going to come up any minute and say 'Gotcha'."

He felt the pull in his chest at her words. How often had he wished for the very same thing since the funeral had begun a few short hours ago? How he had prayed, cried silently and alone, that he would come back to them. So Ted himself could have the chance to write every wrong that had ever happened between them. He held onto her tightly, finding comfort there, something he hadn't felt since the night Johnny had died.

That night was still so vivid in his mind, something so small turning into an epic battle which had only ended when John had finally walked out into the night, never to be seen again.

Desperately trying to loosen what felt like a noose around his neck, but was really just his suit, he remembered the last words spoken to the man they now had to bury and he knew that as long as he lived, he would never be able to make up for the pain he had caused the man he loved that night.

_**Days Go On Forever**_

_**But I Have Not Left Your Side**_

_**We Can Chase The Dark Together**_

_**If You Go Then So Will I**_

_Ted entered the house, and the first thing he noticed were that all the lights were off, something that immediately made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. When he had gone out of town the week before, he had done his usual routine of leaving the lights in the kitchen on, as well as the one at the front door walkway. All of which joined the others in pitch blackness. _

_Slowly making his way through the house, he noticed the flickering of what looked to be a candle light and getting closer, he saw the shadow of the man sitting before it, a tight smile on his face. A smile that Ted had grown to appreciate so often, it immediately put his guard down._

_A few months prior, Ted and John had come to terms both of them with their feelings for one another, John having a harder time with it because of his past with Melina, and the countless other women before her. Ted had been more secure in his sexuality, but when it came to feeling things for a man he worked so closely with, that was where he had cracked and lost all control of how to act. _

_Seeing John sitting by candle light now, he mentally chided himself, obviously having forgotten plans they had made for the evening. All he had been concerned with had been getting home to a warm bed, and seeing the man he loved now, he immediately felt regret that he hadn't taken better care to remember._

"_Johnny." he said, wanting to embrace the man sitting before him now, but the look in John's eyes putting him off. Something was wrong, Ted could feel it in his bones, he just didn't have the faintest idea where it was coming from. _

_**There is Nothing Left Of You**_

_**I Can See It In Your Eyes**_

_**Sing The Anthem Of The Angels**_

_**And Say The Last Goodbye**_

"_John, what's going on? Why are you sitting here in the dark?"_

_He spoke then, but it was so carefully, so quietly that Ted had to struggle to hear him. _

"_When were you planning on telling me?"_

"_What are you talking about? Tell you what?"_

_He had no idea what John was getting at but he didn't like it one bit. He had only seen John act this way once before and that had been when he had come to terms with his sexuality, and the need to make sure that things with Melina ended. It had torn him up inside then, Ted remembered vividly when John had confided in him, before they had admitted their feelings and now, seeing the man he loved this way, it left a bad taste in his mouth._

"_About you and Layla."_

"_What? What about her?"_

_John slid his phone across the table then, and when Ted picked it up and saw the image staring back at him, he knew instantly just what John had meant. He was indeed locked in an embrace with the Smackdown Diva, but it wasn't at all what John assumed it was._

_Two weeks prior, there had been an intervention of sorts for Ted. His father had been behind it, all in an effort to make his son see the light of day, or see that women were the better choice. Whatever his reasoning, he had planned to have the event that was now displayed on John's phone happen with Layla, something Ted could never forgive, and the fallout now was exactly why._

_He hadn't told John about it, hadn't even realized someone had been there to take a picture. He had pushed her away soon after and let it go immediately. To John though, it was obviously a big deal._

"_You don't understand John, that picture isn't what you think it is."_

"_So what is it? Because Teddy, we've been together for months, in love as far as I knew, and now I've got a picture telling me otherwise. So please, explain it."_

_Ted ran his fingers through his crisp blonde hair, knowing he owed John the truth but really hoping that it had never come to this._

"_My father planted Layla in my locker room after the show. You weren't there because of the ankle injury in Canada. She came onto me, I pushed her away, disowned my own father and walked away. Nothing happened."_

_John seemed to take it all in, and Ted hoped that what he was telling the man now, would sink in and John would see that he really hadn't planned what he was seeing in the photograph._

"_If that's true then why don't you admit to the rest of the locker room how we feel about each other? We've been hiding for months, and other then your parents and mine, no one else knows. Well scratch that, Layla knows now which means we've been outed, but before that, you kept us a secret. Are you embarrassed to be with me Ted?"_

"_No! Absolutely Not! John, listen, you know we couldn't come out in the locker room, not with the way the WWE is. We would have lost our jobs, our livelihoods. I thought we both agreed that we couldn't risk that, at least not yet."_

_John stood then and pushed past Ted, their shoulders bumping and Ted felt the cold air wrap itself around him. Whether it had been the picture, or something else, John had obviously had enough. _

"_NO TED! You couldn't risk it. Not the million dollar baby. Of course he can't come out in the locker room, or for that matter admit to loving someone like me. No, of course not."_

"_John, it's not like that. Please listen to me, I do love you."_

"_When you love someone Teddy, you don't spend the last six months hiding them."_

_He had a point and Ted knew it. They had been hiding, and though he had no idea how much this had meant to John, he was beginning to see what the problem was, but had no idea how to fix it._

"_I don't want to hide you, if you want the world to know how we feel then we'll tell them. Together. John please don't be like this."_

_He watched as the man he loved walked even further away from him, refusing to even acknowledge just what Ted had said seconds before. He heard the front door open, and the final words spoken before John went out into the night sent chills directly down the center of Ted's spine._

"_It's too late Teddy, I won't be anyone's dirty little secret. Even yours. I can't do this anymore."_

_**Cold Light Above Us**_

_**Hope Fills the Heart**_

_**And Fades Away**_

_**Skin White As Winter**_

_**As The Sky Returns Grey**_

"I wish I could tell you that Mel, but I can't. There's so much he needs to be here for, so much I need to make up for and I'll never get the chance."

She cuddled her body closer into his, wiping again at fresh tears that were now falling onto Ted's suit jacket, blending in with the black of the suit, and reminding him of the way his heart felt as soon as he had heard the tragic news.

"_I'm sorry Ted, but John didn't make it."_

Those words ran on constant loop in his mind since he had learned that John had been in involved in a hit and run shortly after leaving the house angry with him. His family had of course rallied around and pretended that this hurt them as much as it did Ted himself but he knew better. He knew deep down that his father was happy with the turn of events and it made him sick. Still did.

"He did love you Ted, you know that right?"

Melina's words brought him back to the present and away from the anger that again threatened to ruin the moment and bubble to the surface. Something he would not allow to happen on the day that was meant for Johnny and Johnny alone.

"I know he did, but Mel, I don't think he knew just how much I loved him."

Standing here, wanting to be the pillar of strength for her had finally taken its toll on him, and just thinking about how much he loved the man they were now set to bury was enough to bring on the one thing he had been trying to avoid, waterworks.

_**Days Go On Forever**_

_**But I Have Not Left Your Side**_

_**We Can Chase the Dark Together**_

_**If You Go Then So Will I**_

"He knew" she whispered into him then, for his ears only, as the people mingled around, watching the casket make its final descent into the dark underground before them. He turned then, shifting Melina's body with him, unable to look at the casket, not yet ready to say his goodbyes, but knowing that there would be no other time.

"Say goodbye to him Ted, do it the way you need to do it, and take as long as you want. He might not be here in person to see it, but he can hear it, wherever he is now. He can definitely hear it."

She pulled away from him then and began to make her long descent back to where they had all arrived in large limos only a short time before. Content that she would be alright until they could speak again, he did the very thing she asked, and he turned toward the burial plot, and motioning to the funeral director, and the pastor, he knelt down as close as he could get, finally ready to say his final goodbye.

"You should have never had to walk away the way you did that night Johnny and for that I am never going to forgive myself. If I had known how deeply you felt about hiding our love away, I never would have done it. You meant the world to me, you still do, and I'm not entirely ready to say goodbye to you yet. I loved you, like a brother at first, but it grew into something so huge that neither of us knew what to do with it. I wouldn't change a minute of it but the ending. We should have had a happier ending."

He felt the tears begin falling then, one after the other, the pain finally bubbling over and exploding. He knew he was a frightful mess but in that moment he didn't care. He needed to cry, he needed to allow himself to feel, both for himself and for John. What he hadn't shown in life, he was now going to show in death.

_**There is Nothing Left of You**_

_**I Can See It In Your Eyes**_

_**Sing The Anthem of The Angels **_

_**And Say The Last Goodbye**_

_**I Keep Holding Onto You**_

_**But I Can't Bring You Back To Life**_

_**Sing The Anthem of The Angels**_

_**And Say The Last Goodbye**_

Could he really live in a world without John in it? Was it even possible to move on from something that had changed your life in such a positive way? He was wrestling with this now, his own inner demons winning. He was too tired to fight, he knew what had to happen now, he had to somehow say goodbye to his lover, to his best friend, to the man that really had been the one true light in his own personal darkness.

A rose having fallen from the casket as it was being lowered, he picked it up and ran it through his fingers slowly, letting his hands trace every crease within it, the way he had done so many times before feeling John's body near his. Slowly getting to his feet, he ran one more trace over the rose, kissing it gently before throwing it down on top of the near buried casket again.

_**You're Dead Alive**_

"Goodbye John, I will never stop loving you. We'll be together soon."

Pulling the blade from his suit pocket, he made the first slash, followed quickly by the next one, until all he could see before his mind went black was the very real and heavy trail of red, running down his arms to the ground below him.

_I'll see you soon._

_**There is Nothing Left of You**_

_**I Can See It In Your Eyes**_

_**Sing The Anthem of The Angels **_

_**And Say The Last Goodbye**_

_**I Keep Holding Onto You**_

_**But I Can't Bring You Back To Life**_

_**Sing The Anthem of The Angels**_

_**And Say The Last Goodbye**_


End file.
